Growing Pains

So just a week and half left until I leave for San Francisco and I am getting more and more nervous. I doubt my own ability to effectively do the job. I have been reading almost non-stop for the past few days. The pile of training materials that I have to go through is a lot. A lot of it is interesting so far. My favorite one probably has to be 'Competition Demystified'. It's the most knowledgable tome out of the ones I read and it gives a good overview of what business strategy and analysis is in a competitive environment.

I don't know if I am ready for the next step. Will I feel it? I knew when I was in Germany, I felt more grown-up. I had made friends quickly and got along with them really well. I cooked, cleaned, did my bills, rationed my earnings, had fun, and lived like the world would never end. There was no yelling, illness, pain. After I came back to the US, I felt the emptiness of lethargy. It's painful to think that I was once so productive in Germany and then everything came to a halt. I mean California is great but I was always curious to find out more abroad. I don't have that curiosity here.

I am getting more and more apprehensive about moving to Beijing. All I hear is duststorms, pollution, traffic, people spitting everywhere, etc. All negative things. My earning power is going to be insane there, but I definitely want the US to be home. I love CA. I love Europe. I guess it's time to find out what I feel about my ancestral home. Never know... I might like it there.